Do not EVER tell me Cthulhu doesn’t exist!

When his children can leap out of the water, hunt you down, and drag you away…

From the article:

This here video of an octopus exploding out of the shallows, moonwalking on land, grabbing a crab, and pulling it back underwater was shot in Australia just days ago, which means that there’s a good chance this very octopus and others like it are still alive, which means that you and I and all of our loved ones are in danger.

I am never going near the surf again…

Valentine’s Day. Bah! Humbug!

If you’re like me, the annual sight of blissfully happy couples on Valentine’s Day makes you ill. Not because of their cloying sweetness and dopey “eyes only for you” looks (though that’s part of it), but because you never get to join in. If your romantic life has stunk as badly as mine, you’ve often felt like that little kid looking in from outside the fence and wishing he could play, too, but never gets the chance.

Admit it: you’re lonely and resentful, and every Valentine’s Day is an annoying reminder of that. Don’t deny it, revel in it — wallow in the mire you yourself have created! Give in to the dark side…

And, while you’re at it, enjoy this Valentine’s Day report from The Onion.

You’re welcome.

(Reposted from last year.)

Things That Should Not Be, now on sale at Trader Joe’s

Someone thought this was a good idea:

The horror…

Okay, I’ll admit I like pineapple on my pizza, and the CPK Jamaican Jerk pizza does rock, but… No. Just, no.

You’ve gone too far, Trader Joe.

Gwyneth Paltrow, women’s health expert

 

Steam-cleaned?

Ladies, have you ever considered the benefits of steam-cleaning your privates? Well, famed super-genius Gwyneth Paltrow is here with a testimonial:

Gwynnie went into more specific detail adding: “We’re burying the lede though, because the real golden ticket here is the Mugworth V-Steam: You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al.”

Praising the unconventional treatment, the blonde actress said: “It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels.

“If you’re in LA, you have to do it.”

Tikkun Holistic Spa is located in Santa Monica, not far from the Pacific Palisades home the Oscar winner now resides in.

Clearly “Gwynnie” has too much time on her hands. One wonders if she hasn’t “consciously uncoupled” from reality altogether.

Meanwhile, I’m never going to look at a woman renting a steam cleaner from the grocery store the same way again…

(video) Because we’ve all always wondered: an Apache helicopter vs. a dragon

Of course, a Melnibonean dragon would be much tougher:

There have been innumerable science-fantasy books about crossovers between our world and a world where dragons and magic is real; one of my favorites is Brian Daley’s “The Doomfarers of Coramonde,” which is about a Vietnam-era US Army unit that winds up in another world… and fighting a dragon.

I’m surprised no one’s done a movie on this, yet, given the glorious special-effects possibilities.

h/t The Daily Beast

Happy New Year!

I hope you had a helluva party last night and that you have a helluva good year to come. :D

(Video) Indiana Bones – Raiders of the Lost Bark

Figures the cats are the Nazis.

Very creative. And never leave home without your hat. :)