Finalists: Dumbest Crooks of 2012

I realize it’s only February, but surely guys who think it’s a good idea to saw off one of their hands to bilk an insurance company should make the list, no?

A South Carolina man may want to think twice next time someone offers him a helping hand.

Gerald B. Hardin, 34, was charged with six crimes, including mail fraud after he, along with another suspect, allegedly cut off a person’s hand with a polesaw in May of 2008 so the three of them could collect an insurance payout.

The State reported that the man was transported to the hospital, where doctors were unsuccessful in re-attaching his hand.

The men received a payout of more than $670,000 from a homeowners policy and three other policies covering accidental death and dismemberment, according to the indictment.

I’m trying to imagine how anyone could think this would be a great idea, and even more how someone could agree to be the “victim.” And I’m failing. I suspect mass quantities of beer were involved.

And, when you think about it, they really blew it; had one of them died, they could have gone for a Darwin Award!

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Castle two-parter, part two

Last Monday was the finale of the “Castle” two-parter, “Linchpin.” (Earlier I reviewed part one, “Pandora“.) I’m sorry to say the episode went as I feared: a bigger version version of last year’s two-parter. (“Setup”/”Countdown”) Instead of a dirty nuke set to devastate Manhattan, we get a plot to start a global war and destroy the United States. And, naturally, it advances the Castle-Beckett relationship. In this case, by planting with her the idea that maybe something would be lost by consummating the relationship (a hat-tip to Moonlighting?). Perhaps a hint of the now-traditional season-ending reset in their two-steps-forward one-step-back romance?

Trouble is, I couldn’t escape the feeling of having seen all this before, which I had. Maybe the creative team ran out of gas here; maybe they didn’t realize that they were repeating themselves in a not-good way, but, whatever, these two episodes came across as lazy writing. There were no real surprises, and the dialog didn’t have its usual sparkle.

I will give them credit, though: using America’s crack-like addiction to borrowing from China to provide the linchpin for the USA’s destruction was a good use of current events, and it had the appropriate feel of a thriller plot, something Rick Castle would write.

Enjoyable episode, but, as a “Castle,” I can only give it a “C.”  Let’s hope the run-up to the season finale makes up for it.

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I want to play fetch, danggit!

A Border Collie can’t understand why the statue won’t play:

Meanwhile, there’s a cat nearby thinking “Thtop it. You’re embarathing yourthelf, thtupid.” 🙂

 

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This ape can sure bust a move

According to the video title, this is an alpha-male gibbon supposedly goaded into trying to attack a man whom it saw as a threat to its dominance. I dunno… Looks to me like he’s just having a good time playing. Either way, he’s a real swinger:

And I bet he knew there was a camera there, too.

Local news report here.

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Person of Interest: a head-meets-desk moment

I was really enjoying last night’s Person of Interest, “Blue Code,” until they had a bit of a “lazy cliché” moment.

(Spoilers below the fold)

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“Castle” last night

While it’s only part one of a two-parter, I have to admit I’m a little disappointed in last night’s “Castle” episode, “Pandora.” In plot and subtext, it’s very similar (so far) to the season 2 two-parter, “Tick,Tick, Tick” and “Boom!” In both…

(Spoilers hidden under the tag.)

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Valentine’s Day. Bah! Humbug!

If you’re like me, the annual sight of blissfully happy couples on Valentine’s Day makes you ill. Not because of their cloying sweetness and dopey “eyes only for you” looks (though that’s part of it), but because you never get to join in. If your romantic life has stunk as badly as mine, you’ve often felt like that little kid looking in from outside the fence and wishing he could play, too, but never gets the chance.

Admit it: you’re lonely and resentful, and every Valentine’s Day is an annoying reminder of that. Don’t deny it, revel in it — wallow in the mire you yourself have created! Give in to the dark side…

And, while you’re at it, enjoy this Valentine’s Day report from The Onion.

You’re welcome.

(Reposted from last year.)

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Whitney Houston dead

The story is here.

This is callous of me to say, but… so? She was a drug addict who took a wonderful gift and had a life 99.99 percent of the world will only ever dream of living… and destroyed herself. Amy Winehouse, Darryl Strawberry, so many other celebrities in one field or another have ruined themselves with drugs.

I can’t feel sorry for people like Whitney Houston, for they make their own choices; their fate was their creation.

For those who cared about Whitney (and others high and low who throw away their lives while friends and family watch helplessly), I do feel pity. And I hope they recover from the hurt she did them.

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Looney, defined

That would be skydiving from the edge of space:

It is the ultimate in parachute jumps: from the edge of space, Felix Baumgartner will leap from a balloon, plummeting to the ground 120,000 feet below.

After 35 seconds he will break the sound barrier, and finally, at 5,000 feet he will deploy a parachute and – hopefully – land safely on the ground.

During his 10-minute journey to earth the Austrian will travel at more than 690 miles per hour inside a special suit, which must protect him from temperatures as low as -94 degrees F.

He will rely on its oxygen tanks as the air is too thin to breathe – and hope that the sheer force of the fall does not make him blackout.

Other than that, piece of cake!

Doesn’t this sound like the start of a weird superhero origin story?

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Yes, this is a real court case

Things that just shouldn’t go together: fraternities, beer, and bottle-rockets up the butt:

8. [Defendant] was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the [Alpha Tau Omega fraternity] deck, located on the back of the ATO house.

Naturally, this being America, there’s a lawsuit involved. The complaint is a joy to read. (PDF)

via Moe Lane

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