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Posts Tagged ‘zombies’

California, here we come!

That’s it. I’m doomed. Time to retreat to the bunker in the high Sierras:

Another day, another unexplained brutal murder by a naked man strung out on drugs. This time the victim was a 62-year-old female motel cleaning woman, who was herself half-naked and covered with blood when Jermaine Haynes, the man who found here, came upon the grisly scene.

Haynes, a resident at the Hacienda Inn, in Sacramento, told reporters with CBS Sacramento (video here) that the suspect, 25-year-old Andrew Carreiro, knocked on his door the evening of July 7, saying he was selling candy. “He was on like cloud 20,” Haynes recalls. “I don’t know what he was on, but he was on something, though.”

(…)

Carreiro, who reportedly kept mumbling, “I didn’t do nothing. I didn’t do nothing,” was taken to San Joaquin County jail. He faces a number of charges including murder.

Of course he “didn’t do nothing.” The out of control chemical nanobots created in the secret labs of the evil pharmaceutical company took control, turned him into a zombie, and did it for him. He tried to explain, but…. Who would believe it?

We know the sanity-blasting truth, though.

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This is how it starts in cheesy horror movies: some scientist goes where he shouldn’t and, next thing you know, we have a zombie apocalypse on our hands:

Today a group of medical researchers reported the discovery of something very intriguing in a type of pancreatic cancer called PanNET. Turns out PanNET is associated with mutations in two genes that help control a part of your DNA that determines whether you die.

Specifically, these genes can artificially lengthen the telomeres, caps on the ends of chromosomes that gradually erode as you grow older. Above, you can see PanNET cells – the glowing pink bits are the areas where the cancer is causing telomere extension. Usually, short telomeres are associated with disease and death. As a result, some scientists believe that keeping telomeres long could be one way to lengthen life (a few tests in mice seem to back this up). PanNET may have just given us two genetic tools to prolong life. The question is, what would a cancer-extended life be like?

This can only end in tears. And brains eaten, but tears, too.

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Sometimes, Nature is more bizarre than we can imagine. And sometimes those bizarre moments are downright horrifying, as in a Lovecraftian, sanity-blasting, leave you gibbering in the padded cell kind of way.

This is one of those moments.

‘Zombie ants’ controlled by parasitic fungus for 48m years

The oldest evidence of a fungus that turns ants into zombies and makes them stagger to their death has been uncovered by scientists.

The gruesome hallmark of the fungus’s handiwork was found on the leaves of plants that grew in Messel, near Darmstadt in Germany, 48m years ago.

The finding shows that parasitic fungi evolved the ability to control the creatures they infect in the distant past, even before the rise of the Himalayas.

The fungus, which is alive and well in forests today, latches on to carpenter ants as they cross the forest floor before returning to their nests high in the canopy.

The fungus grows inside the ants and releases chemicals that affect their behaviour. Some ants leave the colony and wander off to find fresh leaves on their own, while others fall from their tree-top havens on to leaves nearer the ground.

The final stage of the parasitic death sentence is the most macabre. In their last hours, infected ants move towards the underside of the leaf they are on and lock their mandibles in a “death grip” around the central vein, immobilising themselves and locking the fungus in position.

“This can happen en masse. You can find whole graveyards with 20 or 30 ants in a square metre. Each time, they are on leaves that are a particular height off the ground and they have bitten into the main vein before dying,” said David Hughes at Harvard University.

The fungus cannot grow high up in the canopy or on the forest floor, but infected ants often die on leaves midway between the two, where the humidity and temperature suit the fungus. Once an ant has died, the fungus sprouts from its head and produces a pod of spores, which are fired at night on to the forest floor, where they can infect other ants.

So, we have a fungus tens of millions of years old that kills those it infests, takes over their bodies and turns them into mindless robots, then grows inside them until it’s ready to burst forth to infect more.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we’ve just found the explanation for Congress.

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