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Archive for the ‘People’ Category

"You want me to wear what?"

“If she only had a brain…”

Dear College Coed,

In the future, you might want to put down the cell phone and stop texting when a customer is waiting to pay you.

Love,

Me.

 

PS: You’d think this would be obvious…

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bruce-lee-game-of-death-280x280

Just watch. This kid has *all* the moves:

I wouldn’t be surprised if some Hong Kong studio signed him to a long-term contract.

I know he could kick my butt.

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"You want me to wear what?"

“You want me to wear what?”

Although a straw doll is not quite the way I would find to deal with the loneliness….

A kinky Argentinian man croaked while having sex with a scarecrow that he dressed in lipstick and a wig — and strapped a sex toy on, according to reports.

Jose Alberto, 58, was found dead in his San Jose de Balcare home, lying next to the straw doll, the Irish Mirror reported.

“There were no signs of violence, and we are working on the assumption that the man died during sex with the scarecrow,” police spokesman Rodolfo Moure told the publication.

The deprived sex fiend, who tended to sheep, had puffed up the scarecrow with clothes and tied a 6-inch strap-on penis to it, reports said.

They found him after things got a bit… “stinky.”

What a way to go.

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Remember, they're paying for this.

Remember, they’re paying for this.

(Photo credit: ABC/Barcroft Media/Landov)

First it was cuddle prostitution therapy, now it’s a place where adults can go to pretend they’re in nursery school again — and pay for the privilege of acting like toddlers:

The Brooklyn-based Preschool Mastermind, as it’s called, is a preschool-type experience for adults. No, really. And according to its founder, there’s show-and-tell, arts-and-crafts such as finger paint, games (think musical chairs) and even naps.

“I realized all the implications of what we learn in preschool,” said founder Michelle Joni, who said she went to school for childhood education and always wanted to be a preschool teacher. “People come here and get in touch with their inner child. It’s magical.”

(…)

Adult preschool — not unlike New York City’s preschool’s for children, doesn’t come cheap. Payment for the class is on a sliding scale ranging from $333 to $999. Joni said that “preschool is all about choice. I want them [the students] to feel good about the choice they’re making.”

I’m not so sure how good I’d feel about myself for paying almost a thousand dollars to finger-paint and take naps. I can do that at home for free.

Oh and, yes, there are “Parent-Teacher” meetings.

Next week there’s a field trip. Then the last week of class is “parent day” when the students bring two adults of their choice to class. One woman is actually bringing her parents.

Some people’s daughters grow up to raise a family and have a career. Maybe a doctor, a small business owner, a senator. Others hit their twenties and decide they miss preschool. I bet her parents are just thrilled.

What am I saying? This is New York City, where diaper-less babies are a thing. Of course they’re happy! At least the adult preschoolers are (we hope) potty trained.

We’re doomed.

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Does not mix with driving

Does not mix with driving

I mean, updating your Facebook profile and taking selfies while driving on a busy Interstate? There’s such a thing as tempting fate once too often:

A woman has died in a head-on collision on a US highway just seconds after she posted selfies and updated her status on Facebook, police have said.

At 8.33am on Thursday a post appeared on 32-year-old Courtney Sanford’s Facebook timeline which read: “The happy song makes me so HAPPY.” At 8.34am police were called to reports of a crash.

Officers said Ms Sanford was alone in her car when it crossed the central reservation, crashed into a recycling truck and burst into flames, forcing the other vehicle off the road.

She was on her way to work along Interstate 85 in North Carolina at the time, and police said they found no evidence that drink, drugs or speed were factors in the collision.

The link to Facebook only emerged this weekend after friends of Ms Sanford came forward to tell police that a number of her posts online appeared to come from a similar time to the incident itself.

Sad news, made all the more so by the fact that she was so happy at the time and that the urge to share her happiness lead to her death.

As someone who’s nearly been clobbered several times while driving or walking by people on their cell phones, all I can say is that I hope this serves as a warning to people who think they can cell, or text, or play on the Internet while driving. You can’t.

Pay attention to the road!

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Posting pictures of her in sexy lingerie on your wedding night is quite another

They’ve just got married in an epic three-day event dubbed ‘Wedfest’.

And it would seem Chris O’Dowd is keen to show the world just how lucky he is in having the gorgeous Dawn Porter as his wife.

The Bridesmaids actor treated his 186,000 Twitter followers to a saucy snap of the 33-year-old journalist looking super-sexy in satin and lace underwear.

And just because I’m a tease:

dawn porter

You can visit the article for the rest, you lecher. (Whistles innocently…)

And, no, she wasn’t happy:

She joked on her Twitter page: ‘That wasn’t the wedding photo I was planning to release. #husbands!!!!’

“Joked?” Yeah, right. Him sleeping on the couch that night was her idea of a prank, too, I bet.

Meanwhile… Do you think she has a sister at home?

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Surreal, kitschy, yet who can argue with Raquel Welch dancing in a bikini?

I imagine the backing dancers kept telling themselves “It’s okay. I’m being paid for this and no one will know who I am under this mask…”

 

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Looney, defined

That would be skydiving from the edge of space:

It is the ultimate in parachute jumps: from the edge of space, Felix Baumgartner will leap from a balloon, plummeting to the ground 120,000 feet below.

After 35 seconds he will break the sound barrier, and finally, at 5,000 feet he will deploy a parachute and – hopefully – land safely on the ground.

During his 10-minute journey to earth the Austrian will travel at more than 690 miles per hour inside a special suit, which must protect him from temperatures as low as -94 degrees F.

He will rely on its oxygen tanks as the air is too thin to breathe – and hope that the sheer force of the fall does not make him blackout.

Other than that, piece of cake!

Doesn’t this sound like the start of a weird superhero origin story?

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Arr! Have ye a nice day, son!

Okay, we all know there are secret documents called the “parents contract,” which specify the things Moms and Dads get to do to their children, in compensation for what they’re required to do for (and put up with from) their children. The compensatory benefits usually involve putting their kid on the spot in some way they cannot escape.

In the case of Moms, it’s pulling out the embarrassing photos and home videos for every new boyfriend or girlfriend their child brings home. For Dads, it often involves making the daughter’s new beau squirm like  worm on a hot plate.

But one father went above and beyond, to the point where they may have to name the “lovingly humiliate your kid” clause after him. During his son’s sophomore year of high school, American Fork, Utah father stood every school day outside and waved to his son’s bus as it passed. For 170 days. In costume:

“When he did it the first day, I was in shock,” Rain said. “It’s my first day of my sophomore year.”

The embarrassment was a thrill for his father.

The second day of school, there he was again, only this time Price was wearing a San Diego Chargers helmet and jersey. Day three, it was an Anakin Skywalker helmet, and the next day, swim trunks and a snorkel mask.

Other kids started to take note.

“Most of them like it, and we roll down our windows and wave. It’s fun,” Rain said.

His dad admits it took a lot of effort to keep it up, but said it was “a way of letting him know that we really care about him, but do something a little different.” He described it as “a father’s way” of saying I love you.

It ended up being a daily tradition for him, with a new costume each and every day.

“No recycling costumes, that’s the rule,” Price said. “I managed to adhere to that, and for better or for worse … we have some interesting costumes.”

Interesting, “or embarrassing,” according to Rain. He doesn’t plan on thanking his dad at all.

“I’m not going to reward him for this; his reward is seeing my embarrassment,” Rain said.

And just imagine what young Rain will do his children, when the time comes.

Well done, Dale Price, well done! 🙂

PS: Be sure to click through for the slide show. “Pirate Dad” was just the start…

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Vertigo

Watching this training video on climbing communications towers gave it to me, and so you must experience it, too. Click the image to watch:

You don't have to be crazy, but it helps.

Please tell me this isn’t a minimum-wage job.

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Okay, granted this is a serious news item about a narrowly-averted serious crime, but check out the victim’s brother in this video:

Dude, we’re talking reality TV star. 🙂

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