A 63-year-old South Korean woman was shocked to learn she became pregnant with 12 baby squid after eating a portion of calamari. The story — definitely giving new meaning to the term Octomom — was detailed in a scientific paper authored by researchers at the Kwandong University College of Medicine.
Here’s what happened: The unnamed woman, who we will refer to here as New Octomom, said she was eating a portion of whole squid when she felt an extremely sharp pain in her mouth. She told doctors she could feel something in her mouth, which she described as bug-like organisms.
She did not swallow the portion, but spat it out immediately, the researchers wrote. She complained of a pricking and foreign-body sensation in the oral cavity.
After the woman was hospitalized, doctors discovered baby cephalopods — tiny pods covered in a cementlike material to make them stick — attached to the inside of her mouth. The pods, which covered her gums, tongue and cheek, were filled with an ejaculatory apparatus and sperm, with the apparatus discharging the sperm very forcefully.
Twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva were completely removed, along with the affected mucosa, the researchers said. On the basis of their morphology and the presence of the sperm bag, the foreign bodies were identified as squid spermatophores.
Spermatophores, according to Science 2.0, are packages that carry semen and other tools that attach themselves to the female squid’s body. Spermatophores are adhesive in some species of squid, which allows them to easily glue onto the surface of the female’s skin.
So, you see, the real danger isn’t Cthulhu eating you or driving you insane; the real danger is that he’ll make you bear his children.
Read the rest, but be prepared to be utterly grossed out.