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Archive for July 11th, 2012

Okay, what is in the water in Florida? First, they start the zombie apocalypse with a little face-chewing, and now they have naked men invading homes, whizzing on the floor, and taking a bite out of people’s stomachs:

A naked man allegedly flew into a violent rampage, biting a chunk out of another man’s stomach after leaping from his roof onto a truck and urinating inside his home.

Officers responding to the scene needed backup to restrain Jeremiah Aaron Haughee with leg shackles, a spit hood and handcuffs after he continued fighting despite being Tasered five times.

Authorities did not carry out tests on Haughee to see if he was under the influence of any drugs.

Police first arrived at the home in Flagler Beach, Florida at 4.30 a.m. to find two men restraining the naked 22-year-old in a puddle of urine and glass.

Flagler Beach police didn’t test Haughee for drugs because state law doesn’t provide for that, but it wouldn’t have done any good; the kind of weird alien drug that somehow escaped from that mega-pharmaceutical laboratory (Come on, you just know it has to be!) that’s causing this won’t show up in any standard tests. This calls for SCIENCE!!!

Cue weird 50s sci-fi music.

On the other hand, does this look like a crazed stomach-chomping maniac to you:

Er… Well… Right. Never mind.

PS: The wounded man? Probably permanently disfigured. And what makes this even scarier? Haughee’s been released on bail.

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