Archive for June 7th, 2012

Red beans, rice, and braiiinnnssss!

Great, now they’re chewing face in Louisiana:

A 43-year-old Louisiana man was arrested after biting off part of his neighbor’s face over the weekend, and critics fear that the incident could be among the growing list of recent cannibal attacks potentially linked to “bath salt” drugs.

Carl Jacquneaux, who police say was “under the influence of some kind of drug,” arrived at Todd Credeur’s home where he violently assaulted him “over a domestic issue,” according to Gawker.com.

Credeur, who was left with a chunk of flesh torn from below his left eye, was able to escape from further injury after spraying his attacker’s face with Wasp spray.

“During the attack, the suspect bit a chunk of the victim’s face off,” said Scott Assistant Police Chief, Kert Thomas, adding that the gruesome attack is “very unusual” and “not something we see [every day].”

Sure, uh-huh. It’s “just a drug case.” Drugs that make people eat face! (And maybe carve themselves up for use as weapons?) No need to worry, everything’s under control…

Somewhere in a secret mega-PharmCorp lab, probably near Miami, a hysterical assistant is confronting his profits-at-all-cost boss:

“It was experimental! It was supposed to be under tight security! We weren’t ready for human trials… WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!” 

Happens every time.

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